love in the time of aderol

i.ve been polyamorous since i was five. in my head. most everyone in school had a crush on somebody: i could never choose one or two people to like. i liked just about everybody. well ... not the boys so much. i.m like a grade school girl in that regard. i don.t know if boys had cooties; but most of them seemed to know something i didn.t. or they knew just as little but weren.t as bothered by it.

either way i.ve spent most of my social life around female bodied people and that.s never struck me as a problem. i crush on mulititudes and masses every day. which is hot and awesome. i fall in love easily and always have; but recently i asked myself a question i.d never raised before:

is it possible to love someone while i.m not thinking of them?

this is perhaps a rephrasing of another fairly common question: can you love more than one person at a time? that i have tried and it.s a lot of fun but sort of leaves me with my hands full. threesome jokes aside: with the many people i love … i only have a finite amount of thought and focus at any given moment. is that wrong of me? am i disingenuous to profess love when i can.t always offer attention?

i don.t want to be unfair to my lovers or myself. truth is: there are a lot of people i care about. but does that mean i should stop adding to the list? or do i need to hide the list to avoid hurting feelings? hopefully neither: lists are useful. and it.s so wonderful to sit down and remember who i love. and who loves me. and how … as i think of them … what i felt then comes to life and renews me again.